✩Heather Ashley Chase✩

Hello there everyone,
The other day, I was baking cookies with my mom and I was telling her how I feel like I’ve lived 10 lives already. That each time I have set a new goal, I have focused so hard on that goal, that I have picked everything up and left those who did not believe in me, in the dust.

Did you read that? I picked up and left those who did not believe in me, and I left them behind.

Pretty harsh huh. Sometimes, I start to think that it was pretty harsh too, but, no, not really. It was ME Vs. Them. And in all honesty, they were not on my side to begin with. When I have others around me, rear their ugly heads at parties or on the beach and start to try to make me feel guilty about me leaving them six years ago, I mentally close them off.
You see, they are still living in a nightmare they created, but they try to make ME feel bad about moving on.

Ha.

Hardly feeling guilty about that move.

You might be thinking, This Heather Chase is one cold beyatch, But dammit, I DID make most of my dreams come true, and I’m still in the works to making more come true.

Here’s something else….and for all those who told me I’d never be this, never be that, and never accomplish this and that, I can look them dead in the eye and say “Oh yeah? Screw you, I did.

 

I did accomplish this and that and this and that already, and I was successful at it and I kicked Ass while I was there doing it too!“.

Let’s take the make-up off our faces for a minute here. Let’s get real about a topic that was recently discussed among friends during a weight training pow wow.

How many of you, have had someone, maybe someone in your family, maybe an Ex-in-law, maybe someone on your side of the family or someone on your partners side of the family, that did/does nothing but
A. Shoot you down, put you down and find 1,000 things wrong with you.
B. Caused you problems and a whole ton of unnecessary drama and told you that you were a *spoiled* person for wanting MORE out of life than husking corn, living in a small hick town and making babies.
C. Someone who, No matter what you said or did, you were Never Good Enough, and would never BE good enough in their eyes, for their *precious* relative/son/daughter/kid/friend.
D. Who at every moment would belittle you in front of their family, friends or worse, both.

How many times did that make you just want to throw a flap jack pumpkin pancake at their head, yell SCREW YOU and walk out the door, in the most fabulous Janice Dickinson way?

 

Me? It’s happened MORE than you know.

My ENTIRE life, there has always been someone, that someone who never was on my side, or had my best interest at heart, or who even cared about my feelings, dreams or desires.
Using one lame excuse after another for the reasons that *They* hated you (Oh and trust me, though the years it was and has been some of the craziest reasons and catalysts that you can ever imagine. For example, something as lame as not signing the x-hubbies sister’s 8 year old kids yearbook, when you did not even hear the kid ask you in the first place, to sign it. ) Really.

Some odd off cast ‘reasons’ were even as strange as “We don’t like Heather because she wants to be an actress when she should just focus on getting a real job.”
Yeah. In 1998 They said that.

Well tooooo bad.

I picked myself up and went anyway with one little suitcase in my hand, $300.00 in my pocket and I went. Alone. Said ‘Bye Bye’……and I’m so glad I did. While I was there within the first two days amazing things happened.

Proof that you should not always listen to Nay-Sayer’s around you. (In my fist 4 days of me being in California, I landed two leads in 2 horror movies but that’s besides the point- so SCREW them!).

I had saved my money from working in a high end Nail Salon and wanted to go on auditions and castings, and *they* had a problem with it. After about a year, I finally said, Screw Them and went for it.

About 800 years ago, when I was married the first time for about five minutes, I opened my home up to my significant others “guy friends” , let me make this clear, *his* friends, not mine, they troll-oped along and enjoyed Florida on my dine for a week. One of them, let’s call him Steve, brought along their insecure, boring, uneducated girlfriend whom immediately made fun of photos of my then hubby and I together and photos of myself that I had placed in frames around the house and on the walls. Some were even my photos from Spence  in NYC from when I was 13, and 14 before I had graduated from Spence and moved to another part of NY. My diploma was up there on that wall, and it bothered her that I had advanced and graduated so early, that I was not really from their hick little town Ithaca after all, that that’s where HE was from, not me, and I think it really shocked them. I had a lot of success photos everywhere. Even he had trophies from his athletic days, all around. But that was okay, in their eyes.
Regardless, they were mostly success clippings and I placed them all around the house, to remind myself that I was going to do something with my life someday, but mostly they were from when I won beauty pageants and stuff.

I had clippings in frames from magazine articles that I was featured in, when I was a thriving successful commercial model, from pageants that I placed high in or won, to my awards from drama and winning Best Actress in a Comedy. The insecure girlfriend chuckled and laughed and said right out loud, that I was a freak. Yup. Came out and said it. A freak and a weird-o. I stood there in shock and *he* blushed and felt uncomfortable.

The male buddies of his, always thought it was weird and that I was stuck up.
Yet, here I was, letting them stay with me in my apartment that he moved into with me, taking them out to dinners every night for the entire week, showing them a great time in Florida and taking them to Orlando’s Disney World, all on my dime. Yeah, nice. If I would have focused on myself and my dreams as much as I spent time trying to PLEASE everyone around me, I would have made a much better impact on my career, I’m sure of it. She was an uneducated troll, and she knew it.

His buddies were envious that he landed a sweet girl who was cute and kind.

That my friends, was and is, jealousy. They ran back and told everyone in the *small* town that I was a freak and that I would never amount to anything.

When I head about what they said (I had/have little ears everywhere in that tiny town, from my christian friend who owns a bookstore there. This town is so small that everyone knows everyone.). Well, in about two weeks, it got back to me, and I told my partner at the time about how catty they really were and how hurtful that was to me.
You have no idea how bad the situation got. His parents got involved, his sisters, his cousins, his laundry…the Slurpee customer at the gas station…. it was a mess. He stood on their side, saying that, having my photos around like that, meant that I was too proud of my accomplishments and that even though it was my apartment, I really needed to just be more humble and put them all away, anyway.

Definitely the Wrong thing to say to someone like ME.

 

Vividly, I remember, as clear as day…..The next morning, I ‘phone book’ searched for the number of that well known Miami Beach model / acting agency in Florida. Irene Marie. I already had my most recent NYC agency, but I wanted to work local too. (I signed with them In NYC 1994 and was still doing castings for them once in awhile)
When I found the listings, I called her up that morning, and met with her later that day. She signed me that afternoon. I started the modeling career back up again, and trust me, when I got home, I looked for a new place to live. I wanted out.  I booked a few well paying commercial jobs with her that month and told him that he can keep his friends, keep his opinion of me and his attitude about hiding me away in a closet and that I wanted out.

That made me the spawn of Satan in those peoples eyes, but you know what? I already was, to them anyway, and I knew it.

I have a girlfriend who is going through this exact thing, right now. No support system from the *man* or his side of the family. They think she’s the spawn of Satan too. I am seeing this a lot, actually this month, with a few girlfriends of mine, and damn it…. I feel like I’m having Deja Vu all over again.
I know what it feels like to not have the support of even a relative by *new* marriage,
to feel empty and alone hearing what they are saying, and them thinking your a bad person for chasing after a few dreams that mean the world to you.

I want to let them and you all to know that I’ve been there. Many times. here’s the tricky part.
It NEVER got better, no matter how hard I tried. No matter how long I tried and stayed in the relationship. Once that hurt, resentment and pain is there, it’s impossible to not just start to want to scream. (I even stayed in this one relationship much longer than I wanted to, because I felt like a slime ball for kicking him out knowing he had nowhere to go.)
You can’t make excuses for someone’s bad behavior. If this family cuts you down now, if they rip you up now, if they badly criticize you now, if they treat you like that now, do you honestly think it’s going to get better when you’re trying your damn-est to make things work? Heh. no. I had enough. When I heard that the sisters were now in on it, and were calling me a washed up loser, a gold digger (wait- where was the gold????) a wanna be, bimbo…. and he did not DEFEND me when they said that to him??

Like Julia Roberts says in Pretty Woman; “Big Mistake. Huge.”

It did no good,staying in that relationship and not leaving sooner. I only made myself suffer.

But I can truly relate to those who are going through this right now. I can relate to them and this is why I decided to write about all this.
She asked me how I got started in the industry and how I got to where I am today, and where I am soon to be going next……. so I figured I would share this with you too, because it was tough. People are cruel. People are mean. But you don’t NEED anyone telling you what you can’t do. You already have a little voice in you that tries to sneak in there and get you to believe your going to fail. Why feed the troll? And that’s what they are. Trolls. You don’t need a support system, or should I say lack thereof, like that. You have yourself, so get going. 🙂

 

 

The first TV show lead part came after a day of being signed with a new agent in Florida in the year 2000 …. I did one or 2 shoots for the show, here and there and a lot of good came out of it. I built a fan base. We were picked up in Japan and the UK and to many places overseas. But again, I had that same feeling of being alive in front of the camera, as I did being on a stage.
I felt confident again and I wanted to pursue that feeling! so I kept shooting and acting myself all the way to California.

My first Daytime show “break” was because of a very wonderful lady in California. She believed in me and gave me the chance to prove I could do this. When others said I could never become anything. When others said that I was worthless, a liar, a loser, a fraud, a complete mess, (some judged and called me a whore/stripper because I played a silks performer on Greys Anatomy and a performing dance role in Rock of Ages) yet I’ve never done nudity. Ever. I continued on anyway, ignoring them. That’s right. I did. I continue to do it.

For every ounce of negative B.S. you cranked out of your mouth’s, and twisted facts around to benefit your “Heather’s a loser” diatribe, it created such positive Karma that it Jet fueled me right into success. You who were spewing hate, lies, warped versions of the truth? It all came back to be as Positive opportunities and more and more jobs that allowed me to meet more and more people who saw the dynamic performer in me. Your hate and words and negative actions could not squash me down.
You don’t even realize that what you said and what you did caused a ripple effect into a positive direction, into the biggest positive flow of success for me at that time.

And you know what? I’m not done yet. Long from it bud. After years in front of the camera, I’m becoming more and more comfortable in front of the lens…..who knows where it will take me!

I wanted this SO BADLY….. I remember walking to work one day on the NBC lot and saying to myself:
I will be recognized for being an Days of our Lives actress, I will be the character they want, I will do this , I can do this! And I did!

Somehow, it happened. I did it myself, without the help of anybody, I went to chase my dreams and nobody would or could stop me.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a human being just like everybody else. I have days where I would love to be taller, be skinnier, ect…
But by loving yourself and believing in yourself, you attract good people around you that are there to help you and love you . I have learned this only because I have already failed at this at least for thousand times.

 

Surrounding myself with ONLY people who have my best intentions at heart is the only way to go for me. I’ve tallied up several closed doors on emotional vampire family members, Ex-In-laws,
I have had to learn this over the years, and I am still learning to do this.
They will say your being *cruel*, they will call you names (like they do when your back is turned) they will not understand why you have shut out and turned off the welcome sign to their insane, lying, thieving, lunatic family members, and you have to remember to tell them to shut UP.
Are those vampires worth having in your life? Are they worth all the drama or are you going to let them go, and let them live a more peaceful life without you in it?

People think your born an actress and model and you wake up one day and…POOF you’re on one the covers of one of the magazines.
It does not work this way.
That’s why I decided to share this with you because I am NOT one of them.

I made it happen by believing, working hard at it and yes it was a VERY bumpy road for me to get there and to get here. I have made so so so many mistakes, and learned from all of them. The blood sucking leeching boyfriends who are with you for your money, or a place to crash, or to simply cook for him or buy him taco bell, Yeah…. I’ve been there too.

The emotional cripple boyfriends who suck every ounce of energy out of you by being jealous, raging lunatics, so you can’t work, can’t sleep and can’t focus on YOU. Yeah, I was there, too.

The In laws, to where no matter WHAT you do, it’s always never good enough. Energy sucking, no life of their own, lunatics who are filled with jealousy and resentment from never having seen the places you have, have never set foot out of their own small red- neck- hillbilly- town, yet, DARE to Damn you to tar- nation and call you a spoiled little brat or the Spawn of Satan for having a dream, a goal, a vision that you wanted to share with thier son, but nope… that’s “Taking him away from them”.

 

and they think you’re a hoochie stripper, for getting work on a emmy award winning show. They just treat you like you’re trying to take their precious little “boy” away from them in their one stop light town.

Yeah, I’ve been there too.

Yet I take none of what I’ve done back. It all got me here, didn’t it?

But now, nothing can get in my way. When I want something, I definitely go out and get it!

Whatever your goal or dream is, you will meet people that don’t think you can do it. Screw them.
Don’t let anyone stop you from chasing your dreams or wanting something really bad. Do it for yourself. Don’t do it for anybody else…

I know a lot of you take me as an inspiration…. and I am so happy to be on your ” wall of inspiration”.
Just remember that success doesn’t happen overnight .

And, if one door opens, 10 might close. It’s happened to me. That’s how I ended up here in Florida. Again. Yes, Again. It’s my place that I come to, to regroup and focus.

You see, about a year ago, I just came from a 10 year uphill battle, working, in California. I was between there and NYC from late 2000-2010. I was floating and flying in between the two states, always getting hired for this and for that, TV and movies, fighting to stay hungry in my choice of performance fields. Nothing bad happened in California, in fact, all mostly good and great things happened, obviously, but I needed a breather and a little time to focus on my next move. I was focusing on me for the first time in my life. No men. No boys to slow me down, and that’s what it took. Well, I did find the Yorkie out there in California and I met the most amazing kind, loving and inspirational people you will EVER find anywhere. Bear, Heinz Altieri, Tiffany Baker, just to name a few…….

The Yorkie?? He’s been my ‘little man’ for 7 years now.

This LIFE, My ART, My LOVE is all about these little challenges and hurdles that people without best intentions will hurl at you. Start by challenging YOURSELF. Get strong and close that door to the piranhas, the emotional vampires, the toxic inlaws. It takes faith, determination and dedication. And most important, learn to love yourself first.

Oh and one more thing…..
DISPLAY your achievements PROUDLY.

Even the most inspirational woman I have found does…